Support for parents who are arguing (Relationships Matter programme)

South Tyneside's Relationships Matter programme is a self help programme which provides resources to support parents who may be:

• struggling to communicate with their partner
• having regular disagreement and arguments
• having arguments that aren't being resolved

Everyone has arguments or disagreements with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time, this is a normal part of everyday life.

Having regular arguments that are not resolved, can have a negative impact on children and on your own well-being.

Conflict and arguments can affect children in all types of parental and carer relationships, including:

• parents who are in a relationship, whether married or not
• parents who have separated or divorced
• biological and step-parents
• other family members in a parenting role
• foster and adoptive parents
• parents and carers who are LQBTQ+

What is on offer

• a list of useful self help websites
• self-help support guides to help you communicate better with your partner or co-parent
• referrals to face-to-face courses

Reducing Parental Conflict programme

Relationships Matter programme is part of the national 'Reducing Parental Conflict' programme.

Reducing Parental Conflict is a government funded programme aimed at helping parents, and other people who care for children, who may be struggling in their relationships.

For more information, see GOV.UK: Reducing Parental Conflict.

There is evidence that ongoing arguments can make children feel anxious and worried.

Children struggle to understand why arguments between adults happen and it can make them feel as if the arguments are their fault.

Children of all ages who live with ongoing conflict and arguments can:

• Do less well at school than their friends
• Struggle with their emotional well-being and feel more anxious
• Struggle to sleep properly
• Develop poor communication skills
• Struggle to resolve conflict in their own life with friends and others

Babies, toddlers, children and young people can be upset and anxious about their parent or carers arguing, even if they seem ok on the outside.

Children often keep their worries inside and that can make everyone around them believe that they are doing well.

Even if you think the children can't hear your arguments, they know that something isn't right and this makes them feel unhappy, worried or scared.

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For more information, see GOV.UK: Reducing Parental Conflict: the impact on children

This programme aims to raise awareness so that people can get the help they need sooner rather than later.

We have worked with the relationship experts at Amity to put together a list of self help resources and guides for all families in South Tyneside.

There are 3 steps to the programme:

• Step 1: View online websites to help you talk to your friends and family 
• Step 2: access South Tyneside's Relationships Matter self help guides
• Step 3: get a referral to attend a face-to-face course such as Healthy Relationships or Parenting When separated 

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Domestic abuse

The Relationships Matter programme is not suitable for parents experiencing domestic abuse within their relationship.

Domestic abuse is not the same as parental conflict. 

If domestic abuse is a factor, please see what is abuse and report domestic abuse.

In South Tyneside, our domestic abuse service Restart, gives confidential, non-judgemental support to those who are experiencing all forms of domestic abuse.

For more information, see Restart Integrated Domestic Abuse Service.

Family life, parenting and support websites

Anna Fraud Centre

The Anna Fraud Centre website has information that can help you whether you are together or separated from your child's other parent.

Anna Freud: Parents and carers in conflict or separating

Family Lives 

Family Lives offers free and confidential information and advice on all aspects of family life including:

• child development
• issues with schools
• parenting and relationship support
• aggression in the home
• bullying
• teenage risky behaviour
• mental health concerns of both parents and their children

Family Lives

Families Need Fathers

Families Need Fathers provide support and information to separating or divorced parents who are worried about how their breakup might affect their children.

Services are open to mothers, fathers, grandparents, new partners and extended families.

Families Need Fathers

Click Relationships 

Click Relationships offer a wide range of relationship support as well as support for parenting together and apart.

Click Relationships

Action for Children

Action for Children offers parent talk, providing parenting advice to families and parenting coaches.

Action for Children

Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS)

The CAFCASS website has information, activities to improve communication skills, and help with planning for you and your children.

Information is designed to help you understand the needs of your children during separation and make the best arrangements for them.

CAFCASS: Parenting together

Mental health and well-being websites

• Mind
• Mental Health UK
• NHS: Mental health services
• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)
• Samaritans
• YoungMinds

We have worked with the relationship experts at Amity to create some useful self-help support guides to help you communicate better with your partner, or co-parent if you are separated.

Guide for couples:

Amity Next Time: Parenting Together

Guide for separated parents:

Amity Next Time: Parenting Apart

If you need these guides in another language, please contact relationshipsmatter@southtyneside.gov.uk.

Parenting When Separated (PWS)

A group session suitable for parents who are preparing for, going through or have gone through a separation or divorce.

Objectives:

• Solving co-parenting problems in a positive way that focuses on the needs of children
• Coping with the emotional impact of separation and learning stress management
• Helping children to cope with the impact of separation
• How to communicate well with each other and with children

Arguing Well as a Couple (AWaC)

A 6-session guided programme that supports parents who are together to improve their relationship.

Sessions are for all kinds of couples such as same sex couples, families with adopted children, families where there is a blend of cultures or religions.

Objectives

• Understanding why arguments happen
• How to communicate in a helpful way
• Support to resolve issues, rather than relying on others for solutions
• Practice resilience tools for the future to resolve any difficulties you might face.

How to access

If you think a face-to-face course could support you, talk to a professional such as a:

• Teacher
• Health Visitor
• Support Worker

You can ask them to complete a Request for Service (RFS) or you can call 0191 424 6210 and a member of staff can complete the RFS on your behalf.  

The following organisations are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Childline

Childline is available to anyone under 19 in the UK to help with any issue they're going through.

Call: 0800 1111

For other ways to contact them, see: Childline: Get support

Samaritans

Samaritans a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way, about whatever’s getting to you. It is free and for people of any age across the UK and Republic of Ireland.

Call: 116 123

For other ways to contact them see: Samaritans: Contact a Samaritan

Anna Freud

The Anna Freud website has a list of services offering free mental health support, 24/7.

See Anna Freud: Urgent help

South Tyneside's Relationships Matter programme is a 3 stepped approach to make sure families can get the right support at the right time.

• Step 1: Self-help, talking to friends / family or looking at self-help websites
• Step 2: Use our support guides to help parents communicate better with their partner or co-parent
• Step 3: Attend a face-to-face course (Parenting When Separated or Arguing well as a couple)

If you are a professional working with a family dealing with conflict, there is support available for you to help you with your role.

Support for professionals 

Relationships Matter workshop

Workshops are held on a monthly basis where we will support you to:

• consider ways within your role to support families who are experiencing arguments
• consider the difference between conflict and domestic abuse
• use the Amity Toolkit

To access a workshop email relationshipsmatter@southtyneside.gov.uk

The Amity toolkit

The Amity toolkit supports you to have open conversation with families who are experiencing arguments or conflict within their relationships.

It includes strategies, ideas and tools that are key to supporting families to achieve good outcomes.

Courses for families

There are face-to-face courses available to support families.

Parenting When Separated (PWS)

A group session suitable for parents who are preparing for, going through or have gone through a separation or divorce.

Arguing Well as a Couple (AWaC)

A 6-session guided programme that supports parents who are together to improve their relationship.

Sessions are for all kinds of couples such as same sex couples, families with adopted children, families where there is a blend of cultures or religions.

How to refer

Families can access the courses by getting a referral from a professional.

To refer a family into a face-to-face programme please complete a Request for Service (RFS) form.

RFS forms are available from and returned to relationshipsmatter@southtyneside.gov.uk

Domestic Abuse

The Relationships Matter Programme is not suitable for families where:

• a parent is frightened of their child's other parent
• there is an imbalance of power
• there is domestic abuse within the relationship

If you are working with a parent or family that is experiencing any of the above, please contact domesticabusereferrals@southtyneside.gov.uk.